Tips For Sleep Training Your Baby the Gentle Way
Hi, mom! Are you tired?
Dreaming of crisp white sheets in a hotel room all to yourself?
I know the feeling!
If you are thinking of sleep training your baby to get some rest but you are worried about letting them cry, this post is for you!
My eldest daughter didn’t sleep through the night until she was 11 months and I was exhausted.
With my youngest, I was so happy when I found a sleep training method that not only worked, it didn’t feel like “cry it out” so both baby and I were much happier!
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Scroll down to read the comments on this post and you will see that the tips here have helped a lot of tired moms!
The first thing to know is that babies & toddlers love predictability and consistency.
Creating a routine for them is what they want, even if they resist at first.
And remember, sleep is essential for their brain development and well-being.
They need to sleep, although they may try to tell you otherwise! Sleep training also isn’t an all or nothing thing.
If you don’t feel comfortable letting your baby “cry-it-out”, gentle sleep training can still be a great option.
Bear in mind that before you even consider sleep training, you need to make sure that your baby’s room is optimal for a good night’s rest.
Once they are in a crib, make sure to choose the best organic kids mattress that you can afford.
You can also buy some plants for the nursery to create a calming and relaxing atmosphere.
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Around 5 months you can start gentle sleep training with your baby.
There is a sweet spot from 5-10 months that is optimal for sleep training.
It is sometimes more difficult with older babies and toddlers.
A regular bedtime routine will go a long way to starting the night off right, here is our routine:
Sample Bedtime Routine
Step 1: Bath
Step 2: Put Pjโs on
Step 3: Bottle/nurse (or before bath if she is falling asleep)
Step 4: Song – the same song every night.
Step 5: Into crib AWAKE
BEDTIME:
The most important thing to remember is to be consistent.
You need to make each sleep situation exactly the same so the baby can develop a consistent strategy on her own.
STEPS FOR NIGHTS 1,2,3 (It sometimes helps for dad to do the first 2 nights).
๏ง Sit beside the crib in a chair
๏ง Say repetitive phrases (i.e. itโs night night time, I love you)
๏ง You can occasionally pat, touch, sing or hum, but be cautious that this does not become a new external strategy she uses to fall asleep.
Remember, that it is not your job to put her to sleep; you are only there to offer some comfort.
It has to be her job now to put herself to sleep.
๏ง If baby is inconsolable you can pick her up to calm her down and then put her right back into the crib again.
Donโt do it if it makes her more upset.
STEPS FOR NIGHTS 4,5,6:
๏ง Move your chair mid-room (less interaction)
STEPS FOR NIGHTS 7,8,9:
๏ง Move your chair to the door (stay in your chair and use even less interaction- minimal by this stage)
STEPS FOR NIGHT 10:
๏ง On night 10, donโt sit anywhere anymore. Just leave and keep the door slightly open.
If she cries longer than 10 minutes, you can go back into the room, say your key phrase, some careful touch, and then leave again.
Repeat every 10 minutes if necessary.
*The goal is to not give up as it will confuse the baby and it is not fair while she is perfecting her new found sleep strategy.
NIGHT WAKINGS:
- Wait 10 minutes before you respond (look at the clock and time it-1 minute can seem like 20 as I am sure you know). This will delay the gratification and prevent her from becoming more stimulated upon seeing you.
(if she cries for 5 mins, stops for 3, and starts again- start the timer from when she starts again)
- If she is still protesting after 10 minutes, then go in and repeat the same strategies you were using at bedtime.
- You will have to repeat this same process each time she wakes in the night
- No night feedings. Baby will gradually start to eat more during the day to make up for the night feedings.
- Donโt consider morning anything before 6:00 am. Then make a big deal about it being morning and take her out of the bedroom for her first feed.
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Important Tips for Gentle Sleep Training
- I also suggest that there be no toys in the crib, apart from a soft stuffed animal (a โloveyโ). It is better to make the connection that the crib is for sleep and nothing else.
- Try to be as consistent as possible.
- Try not to worry about teething as a possible cause for a bad night. It may well be teething, but there is not a lot you can do about it and, if you start changing your rules every time you think she might be teething, you will create a very confusing message and you may have to start all over again. If you need help with teething, I highly recommend the book “Your Teething Baby”
- When baby is sick, I forgo the 10-minute wait period and respond to her calls, give her some comfort, more Tylenol (if you feel she needs some), and then back into bed to drift off to sleep on her own again.
- If your child depends on a โpropโ to fall asleep โ such as breastfeeding, bottles, pacifiers, patting, rocking, or even playing with mommyโs fingers โ then they will find it difficult to get back to sleep without their โprop.โ
Recommended Reading on Sleep Training
Reader recommendation – See the comments for more information, readers are raving about this ebook by Susan Urban: GUIDE IN A NUTSHELL How to Teach a Baby to FALL ASLEEP ALONE
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I just started my 8 month old on this sleep training method. We have done two nights and it’s already making a difference. I used to breastfeed her to sleep and for night wakings. I’m pleasantly surprised by how well this approach had worked so far. I am wondering what you do for naps? We have been successful with contact naps and struggle with independent naps. She naps alone at daycare, so we know it’s possible. Thanks.
I have twin boys that are 11, 1 more boy that is 7, and a 10 month old girl. Let me tell you I would never stop patting there butts, rocking , and walking them because I was to tired. My now 11year old boys dont even want a hugs, my 7 year old is all about his privacy, and my 10 month old wants her butt patted. Memories that will not be forgotten. Speacial moments I would of missed using this sleep method. I also gained a great bond with my babies. Sometimes it’s not always about us.
@Jessica,
Did your 11 month sleep through the night once she was patted to sleep? I have a 10 month old who I will rock to sleep and be able to place her in her crib for a short amount of time before she is up and wonโt go back in her crib.
Great tips! Sleep training can be rough–one minute definitely does feel like twenty! But it doesn’t have to be traumatic on mom or baby, either. This method is definitely a keeper!
Thanks Abby!
Thanks Kelly for sharing! This guide has worked great for us! The tools in this guide really work. My son started to fall asleep on his own .
Help my 12 month old will not sleep unless Iโm laying next to him or holding him…Iโm loosing it!!
I’m one lucky mom to see this post! a few days ago I got Urban’s guide and I’m loving it! My daughter turned 9 months and the method from the guide has worked extremely well! I don’t want to speak too soon but it looks like my big girl is finally able to fall asleep on her own in her crib! niiice ๐
Woo Hoo!!! My son started to fall asleep on his own and was able to sleep in his crib after 3 days of the method from “How to teach a baby to fall asleep alone” ebook! Is that even possible? Thanks for sharing your experience girls!
Now I know why Susan Urban’s guide deserves to be recommended! It has helped us so much with our 7 mo son – and believe me he was a difficult case! After three days we have achieved everything we wanted! Another recommendation from me ๐
Thank you!! We tried this last night and our little guy (8.5 months old) slept in his crib! Although I still got up to feed him when he woke because he still needs mama’s milk, but he’d go right back to sleep after.
We’d been bedsharing since he was born, so this is a big deal for us. I miss my snuggle buddy, but I’m so proud of him! ?
We plan on continuing this tonight (night 2). We’ll see how it goes!!
May I ask, what are some tips for naps??
Oh, Dena, I am so happy for you! I know how hard it can be to transition from co-sleeping to the crib, I had the same situation with my older daughter. I hope tonight goes well, even if you have a few hiccups, just remember that you need to stay consistent with the routine etc.
Naps are often a bit more complicated. What I recommend is to stay as close as you can to the night time routine (again – consistency!). Diaper change, story, feed, song and into the crib awake. I would give it at least 10 minutes before you go in to soothe him. This is where a video monitor would come in handy as you don’t want to go in just as he is dropping off.
I literally used a stop-watch with my daughter as every minute seemed like forever at first. Give it an hour and if he won’t nap in the crib then, bring him downstairs, change of scenery and then try again after a 20-minute break.
If naps really aren’t working, don’t worry too much and focus on getting the night time completely fine before worrying too much about what you do for naps. Even if that means stroller/car seat naps for now. Good luck!
I would definitely add one more book here and for me it could be the only one on the list: GUIDE IN A NUTSHELL How to Teach a Baby to FALL ASLEEP ALONE by Susan Urban ( http://www.parental-love.com ) It could be the only one because it’s in a nutshell so instead of reading all those books it took me an hour or so to get to know everything about sleep training with step-by-step instructions. Great guide! My daughter literally changed into a sleeping champ in 3 days. Can really recommend it.
Thanks Kelly for sharing! This guide has worked great for us! It took me 4 days to teach my daughter to fall asleep in her crib without me rocking her ( after 7 months of co-sleeping)! After another 2 days she started to nap longer – she finally is well rested! I also recommend thisshort ebook
Best advice out there.The tools in this guide really work. If only I had read it earlier life with my little one could have been easier!
I’ll say briefly: the method from S. Urban’s guide works and it works fast! I’m so glad I stopped by to read the article and the comments and that I purchased the guide. Life is so beautiful when your baby sleeps ๐
It also worked for my little one. I was very sceptic about sleep training at all but my sister talked me into it and I am so grateful! I was so afraid and did not want to baby to felt rejected or forgotten. But with Susanโs method it went great and no guilt! Highly recommended.
LIFESAVER!! Thanks for mentioning Urban’s guide. Our life has changed since we started sleep training with this guide ๐
I’ve been thinking about this guide for a while now (I still have some time I guess – Mia is just 2mo now). But the more comments I read theh more I want to try Susan’s method. You used the audiobook or an ebook version?
@Tonica, wow I hadn’t realized Susan Urban’s book were this old and popular! I got it following the online recommendation though and now I have 3 of parental-love books!
@Kelly, I’m also in Susan’s fanclub! I loved her since breastfeeding book, wasn’t it the first one? Anyway, this books are true help.
@Kelly, Getting my daughter to sleep took up most of my time and I was just exhausted. Thank you for sharing the link. I decided to buy the audiobook (it’s great because I could listen to it while doing other things with my child) and I am delighted. My life has changed and I am now the happiest mother in the world! Thank you again